|
For Sara Hylton, abortion was not an option. So, when she found out that she was pregnant with her high school boyfriend's baby just two months after her 16th birthday, she turned to adoption.
Now, in a story that mirrors hit 2007 movie Juno, Ms Hylton, 34, has opened up about the 'dark' and 'humiliating' experiences that inspired her to find the perfect family to adopt her son.Â
In a candid essay, almost 19 years later, for Portrait of an Adoption, she writes: 'I never thought there were people in the world who could love my child half as much as I did. Thankfully, I was completely wrong.'
Still close: Now age 34, Sarah Hylton has opened up about her 'dark' and 'humiliating' experience that eventually led to finding the perfect family to adopt her now 18-year-old son (picture courtesy of Chicago Now)
At the time, Ms Hylton was living in a one-bedroom apartment with her mother, feeling 'ashamed, angry and disappointed' in herself.
'Being 16 and pregnant is so much harder than a lot of people realize,' she writes. There’s such a stigma attached to it. I can’t describe to you the condescending looks I would get - everywhere; the grocery store, the library, my school, church.
'I vividly recall, late in my pregnancy, after the baby “dropped,†I got stuck in a desk in my English class. After the class emptied out, the teacher, Mr. Shaw, stood in the doorway and told me “that’s what you get for getting yourself in that situation.â€'
She was labeled a 'slut' and a 'whore' by her classmates, and her first OB lectured her on what she called an abominable 'mistake.'
When a teenage Ms Hylton came across what was then a relatively new term called 'open adoption,' she was intrigued.
'My child would have a family, a family would have a child, I’d have a life of my own, and I could know how that child was throughout the years, instead of wondering and hoping for 18 years,' she says.
'As birthmothers, we often describe what we call "The Click" - when you know with every fiber in your being that they are the people who were meant to love and care for your baby'
An adoption agency called Sunnyridge explained the process without the burden of any pressure or expectation. 'A previous agency I spoke to had wanted us to sign over custody when I was only about 8 weeks along, and didn’t have concrete answers to any of my questions,' she writes.
After looking through a few Sunnyridge profiles, she says one family stood out 'drastically' - it was 'love at first sight,' Ms Hylton reveals.
'I could tell that they just had so much love - for each other, for family, and to give. As birthmothers, we often describe what we call “The Click†- when you see that family and you know with every fiber in your being that they are the people who were meant to love and care for your baby.
'That was on a Wednesday. I was supposed to go look at more profiles that Friday. Instead, on Thursday I called the agency and said “Call Jim & Lynn. They’re the ones who will raise my baby,"' she writes.
On January 24th, 1994, she gave birth to Will, the son she would never raise.
'[The nurses] allowed me to hold him (I was terrified that he’d be whisked away without me being able to touch him or see him) and again I never felt pressured,' she explains.
Art imitates life: Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman and Ellen Page address adoption in the hit movie Juno
'I expected to feel a change the next morning - after holding him, I expected to feel that he was “mine.†But my resolve to give this precious child to Jim and Lynn was only strengthened. Don’t get me wrong - I wanted him, desperately. I wanted to take him home with ME. But I also knew that was purely selfishness on my part. I was a child myself - how on earth could I raise one of my own?!'
'A few days later, I signed over my parental rights, and William became Jim and Lynn’s, legally. I cried. She cried. Everyone cried. I was so sad and empty going home without him, but I was equally relieved and happy that he was with these amazing people,' she recalls.
Will's biological father met him only once, when he was three, and Ms Hylton doesn't know where he is today, as the two split about a year after the baby was born.
'I can honestly say I’ve never, ever once regretted my decision. I did what I did because I love my child, and I love myself'
Now, almost 19 years later, Ms Hylton reveals that she sees Will at least once a year - sometimes more if they can work it out. Will even calls her mother Grandma Leslie.
'Mind you, our relationship didn’t start out this way. The beginning involves a lot of secrecy for both parties, for obvious reasons. But, as time went on, we grew to know and love each other more and more, and the walls of secrecy dissolved naturally.
I can honestly say that Lynn is one of my best friends. I love that woman dearly. I know, without hesitation, that she was born to be Will’s Mommy, and I tell her that frequently. I was blessed enough to be the one to carry him,' she explains.
Because of the open adoption, Ms Hylton feels like she was able to do the right thing for all parties involved.
'Everything really did work out in the end. I’d like to think I proved the cynics wrong. I, in fact, was not a slut. I graduated high school (my son and his mother attended my graduation!), and went to college. I’m employed, married to the love of my life [who's been involved with Will since he was six-years-old], and I’m truly happy,' she writes.
As for looking back and asking 'what if?' She doesn't. 'I can honestly say I’ve never, ever once regretted my decision. I did what I did because I love my child, and I love myself. Now, I just happen to have another family to love as well!'
No comments:
Post a Comment